5 Ways to Emotionally Support a Sick Friend

Everyone is game for fun and activities when things are going well. Planning skiing trips and trying out new restaurants with friends is exciting. The litmus test is when things go south. That is often when you can ] tell who is truly there for you and who only wants to party. Whether someone gets a devastating diagnosis or is just down with the flu, not all your friends will be there to help.

Some might have valid reasons, but others would rather find new friends to have fun with. Here are some ways to do better than that and emotionally support someone ill.

1. Do More, Say Less

When you find out a friend is sick, reach out and let them know they can count on you. Instead of the generic “Let me know if you need any help,” give a couple of options. Depending on the illness, ask if you can drop off chicken soup, watch their kids, or drive them to an appointment. Choosing from a list of options is easier than a vague offer to help.

If your friend lives further away, you could also ship get-well-soon gifts or have them delivered by a local business. You could choose to send some comfort food or treats or pick something from one of their interests. Puzzle books, soothing face masks, or some good coffee can bring a smile to their face when they realize you remember what they like.

2. Offer Distractions

If you’re on a tight budget, you can still emotionally support a sick friend by being there to chat. Whether it’s rson, over the phone, or on a video call, someone taking time to let you vent can be a big blessing. Offer to watch a movie together even if you’re not in the same place. Sync your streaming platforms and hit play simultaneously. This way, you can discuss the wardrobe choices and plot twists just as you would if you were watching the movie together.

While it is important to let your friend process their emotions, try to offer some alternatives fromoccasionally they’re in the hospital, offer to spend your weekend with them. Take them out, in a wheelchair if necessary, for some fresh air and sunshine. This can also give a halt to their immediate family members or caregivers. If it’s an old-school friend, dig out your yearbook and share some laughs over those trendy perms and boot-cut jeans.

3. Include Them in Plans

Of course, abide by doctor’s orders, but whenever possible, do try to include your friend in social plans. Even if you must modify your plans, try to make them accessible for the ill friend occasionally. You may have loved hiking together, and now they might not be up to that. Choose an easier trail or a relaxing afternoon in a pontoon on the lake instead. This way, they can enjoy being in nature — and the company of friends — without exerting themselves or missing out completely.

Even if your friend declines, it is still kind of you to ask. That feeling alone can make someone feel better. The fact that they had the option to go, and the group was thinking of them, can be reassuring. After they regain their strength, they might say yes.

4. Respect Boundaries

While trying to include friends who are sick, respect their privacy if that is what they want. Allow them to heal at their own pace. Avoid saying things like, “Oh when I had COVID, I was better in three days, you should be fine now.” Everyone responds to illnesses and treatments differently. Some people could suffer from more serious side effects. Others may have some pre-existing conditions. The point is healing is not a race. Don’t compare your journey with that of others.

It is also important to be there for a friend without delving into details if they don’t wish to do so. Just because you’re driving them to a doctor’s appointment doesn’t automatically mean they must tell you everything discussed there. Don’t ask too many questions. They will share at their comfort level. Your job as a good friend is to respect that. Avoid judgment, and don’t volunteer home remedies and experimental cures you may have seen on TikTok.

5. Encourage Self-Care

Self-care doesn’t only mean spa days and expensive retreats. Self-care can mean different things to different people. Just an afternoon of pin-drop silence can be self-care for a mom with twins going through the terrible twos. Self-care can be a nice hot bath with some candles and music in the comfort of your own home. Gently find out what kind of self-care your friend would like, and then try to arrange that when possible.

Don’t try to do it all on your own, though. As a caregiver or occasional supportive friend, you must take care of yourself, too. Sometimes, being too nice can hurt you when you put your health, family, or job on the back burner. If your friend is willing to share their needs, you can — with their permission — delegate some tasks to others offering to help. Friend A can clean the dry area, and Friend B can groom the dog. You cannot afford caregiver burnout, especially if it’s a long treatment plan.

Once you have boundaries for yourself and your friends, your friends help you recover even more. Remember, even a few small, good deeds done with the right intention can yield more fruit than one grandiose gesture for praise or validation on social media. Your genuine efforts can help your friend more than you can imagine.